The Beginning

jour·ney  (jûrn)

n. pl. jour·neys

1.

a. The act of traveling from one place to another; a trip.

b. A distance to be traveled or the time required for a trip: a 2,000-mile journey to the Pacific; the three-day journey home.

2. A process or course likened to traveling; a passage

 

This blog is about a journey that I and a few other people are going to take over the course of this year. My name is Amy. I'm going to tell you a bit about ly myself. I grew up in Wallenpaupack, PA. I went to Mansfield University for a 2 years before leaving. I left to be with a man I thought was my world. Our entire relationship, including marriage lasted less than 2 years. After leaving this toxic situation I moved to NJ to start over. After a while my cousin. After my divorce I felt broken. I looked for love with anyone who would show it to me, all while being safe of course. I found someone who I cared for from my past, got pregnant and eventually had a miscarriage at 13 weeks with twins. It was a heartbreaking experience. I broke. I left for FL and never came back leaving my cousin, our house, my car and all of my family behind to heal. I met my husband, Sean, at a restaurant called Lefty's in Port St Lucie, FL (they have awesome wings!! Go there for good food). He was half jogging to the computer to put in an order with a big smile on his face. As soon as I saw him, I was drawn to him. I frequented Lefty's just to speak to him, eventually getting to know Sean better. We connected on a level of loss as he had lost his niece a year or so earlier. We soon fell in love and only 5 months after getting together found out we were pregnant. Of course, after experiencing the loss we did, we were both scared of this pregnancy not working out or us losing the child after it is born. It doesn't help that my older brother died of SCIDS (Severe Combined Immunodeficiency, a disease that leaves you with little or no immune system and only effects boys, also known as a 'Bubble boy'). We went through all of the testing after our first son, Owen was born via emergency C-Section after 28 hours of labor. I wasn't a carrier and Owen was healthy. We fell in love with this healthy, happy baby. Sean and I had a turbulent relationship, to say the least. We broke up and got back together more times than I care to count. We have made it through so many of life's trials together. A year and a few months after Owen was born, at a time when Sean and I were not together, we decided to become parents together again. That night we conceived but had a miscarriage soon after. That was January 6th, 2011. January 16th, 2011 we conceived our second son, Emmett. The doctor told us it was a very rare occurrence. We moved to PA when we were 11 weeks pregnant. We started our lives and relationship over. The day we found out Emmett was a boy, Sean proposed in front of some of the most important people in my life and at 9 months pregnant, we were married. An earthquake in PA happened a few weeks before, and the day after a hurricane hit. 6 days after getting married, we had to evacuate due to flooding in our area, which missed us thankfully. With humor, I looked at Sean and said 'What do you think God is trying to tell us about our marriage'. A month after being married we welcomed Emmett via scheduled C-section. He had colic and acid reflux which made the first 6 months very difficult. Thank God for the help my mother gave me or I would have lost it. With 2 boys, finally in our place and our relationship better than ever we decided to try for a third child, hopefully a girl. We were pregnant by December 2012, but the pregnancy was lost January 9th, 2013. It didn't hurt us the way you think it would have. We are young, healthy and always ready to try again, however we have decided that right now isn't the time. We have stopped trying and instead have enrolled me in school while Sean works almost 70 hours a week.

 

With all that background, I bet you think 'Good Lord! This woman is fertile Myrtle'. That I am! Which is why I have made the decision to do this. My cousin, Travis, and his partner, Jorge, have been a constant source of support, love and brutal honesty. Yes, he is the one I lived with in NJ and even after leaving him the way I did, he is still by my side. I believe in Travis as a person and father figure so much that I chose him to be the Godfather for Emmett. He and Jorge have pined for a child for a long while. They have reached a point in their lives where they have a good schedule, are financially stable and want to start a family. After discussing it with Sean and getting over the initial hesitations, we chose to give them a child. We have tried once so far to no avail. In March, we will try again. We are going to track my ovulation with tests and temperature and inseminate me at home. This option will give them both a genetic link to the child as well as the ability to trust who is having it.

 

I believe in them as a couple, as people and as parents. I know the absolute joy feel when looking into your child's face for the first time. I know how amazing it is to watch them grow - their first smile, first words, first steps and all the other small day to day things that fill your heart with pleasure and pure bliss. I know how frustrating they can be and how quickly it turns around when they say they love you and are sorry. I want these two good people to feel this and so much more as well. Adoption is near impossible, surrogacy with someone for money is expensive and stealing a child is illegal. Just because they don't have a uterus readily available doesn't mean they should miss out on all of these precious moments.

 

My plan is to document this surrogate pregnancy as well as my day to day life. I'm going to go through emotional and physical changes, finish my Associates degree in Human Services, be the best wife, mother and friend to all I can be, and manage the household while growing a human inside me. Pregnancy isn't always about the 'glow'. Sometimes the changes to your body and personality are less than glamorous. Those will be mentioned as well.  

 

This is the journey I have chosen, and I am going to bring you along with me.